Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
