so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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