just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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