So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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