It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
