i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
