Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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