I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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