Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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