This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
