Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
