She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
