I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
