i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize