if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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