Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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