WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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