so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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