We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
