I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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