The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
