I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
