i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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