god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
