I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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