I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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