you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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