WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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