i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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