I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
