I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
