You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
