So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
