Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
