a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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