Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
