literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My dick has a subreddit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
