The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize