sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
