Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
