dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
