Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize