why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
