i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
