evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
