Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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