He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
