Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize