lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
