You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
