you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
