In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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