I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
