He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
