yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
