I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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