Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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