Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
