Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Randomize
