Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
