i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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