It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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