never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
