Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
