she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
