a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
