K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
