we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
