Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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