woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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