Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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