his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
