Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
